All the Religious RulesThe Secret Lives of Mormon WivesWere Raised to Obey — and Why They Say No to Some

Mar. 15, 2025

Jennifer Affleck, Jessi Ngatikaura, Mikayla Matthews, Mayci Neeley, Demi Engemann, Layla Taylor, Taylor Frankie Paul, Whitney Leavitt on ‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’.Photo:Fred Hayes/Disney

Fred Hayes/Disney

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wivesfeatures tons of scandalous moments, but how does it all square with the women’s shared faith?

The ladies of Momtok are a combination of practicing and former members of the Mormon religion. Early in the series, the cast members discuss the trials and tribulations of growing up as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

“For a lot of us, following the rules of the Mormon religion is just impossible,“Mikayla Matthewssays in the first episode.

“When it comes to the Mormon scale, there’s definitely a wide range,” explainsJessi Ngatikaura. “Some are more Mormon than others, but in MomTok, I don’t think we should be judging people whether they go to church every Sunday wearing their special underwear or reading their special book.”

MomTok has helped these women come together in search of a modern way of living within and adjacent to members of the Mormon community.

“We were raised to be these housewives for the men, serving their every desire. Well, I’m like, ‘f— this,’ so I created MomTok,“Taylor Frankie Paulsays in the first episode about creating the TikTok group. “It started as a group of Mormon moms making TikToks. There was something freeing about it.”

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Jennifer Affleckadds, “We are a new generation of Mormon women. We have a platform that the generation didn’t have before us.”

“We’re just powerful women trying to change the stigma of gender roles in the Mormon culture,“Mayci Neeleynotes.

Here are some of the rules the women of MomTok have discussed following within the Mormon religion.

Church members are discouraged from swearing

The church has a clear stance on swearing — don’t do it. “Profane, vulgar, or crude language or gestures, as well as immoral jokes, are offensive to the Lord and to others,” the churchwebsitestates.

“Foul language is both degrading and harmful to the Spirit. We should not let others influence us to use foul language. Instead, we should use clean language that uplifts and edifies others, and we should choose friends who use good language.”

Some of the women of MomTok are more comfortable with profanity than others, but it never becomes an issue between them.

A pair of earrings is fine for women, but other piercings and tattoos are largely prohibited

While the Mormon church doesn’t object to women having one set of earrings, they don’t encourage piercings or body modification as a whole. They warn that piercing other parts of the body can be medically unsafe, as well as promote an “attitude of rebellion.”

“The trends of tattooing and body piercing, as with otherworldly fashions, are not long-lasting, although the marks or scars they leave on the body are often permanent. These worldly fads are practices that members of the Church should choose to avoid because they don’t complement an attitude of respect toward our earthly bodies as the scriptures and prophets teach. Of course, those who have had tattoos prior to joining the Church have no need to feel embarrassed,“the church’s stancereads.”

Mormons are told to avoid ‘hot drinks,’ such as coffee or tea

“Soda is the Mormon version of coffee because we’re not supposed to have coffee or tea, so then Mormons have tons of soda,” Mayci explains. “Soda shops open the same time coffee shops do, so you see people in the drive-thru getting soda at like 8 in the morning, which is crazy.”

In the same revelation, Joseph Smith was advised against members of the church consuming alcohol. Mormons believe “they are divinely counseled not to drink alcohol, including beer and wine,” per the church website.

That being said, some of the women of MomTok imbibe now and then. The series even showsWhitney Leavitt’s first-ever sip of alcohol, tasting champagne in her new home, though she later refrains from drinking.

The issue became a problem for the group when Jessi and her husband Jordan took swigs from a flask in the hot tub at Jen and Zac’s home, while Zac’s parents were there for a celebration.

“It’s one thing for her to be drinking at my house. It’s another thing to involve my family,” Jennifer says in a confessional. “If Zac’s parents find out, this could be really bad. To be honest, MomTok already doesn’t have a good look and Zac’s parents are aware of that. If Jessi drinking is disrespectful and it almost feels like she’s spitting in my face.”

Sex should only happen between a man and woman who are married

According to the church, “God has commanded that sexual behavior be reserved formarriagebetween a man and a woman. Parents should teach that sexual feelings are a normal and sacred part of our nature as children of God and that, when used according to God’s commandments, they can be a source of joy and strength to a husband and wife.”

Rules about sex have been complicated for a number of MomTokers. Taylor talks about being pressured into marriage with ex-husband Tate Paul after her parents learned they were having premarital sex.

Similarly, the women talk about the confusing relationship they have with pleasure as members of the church. Layla points out, “Before you’re married, it’s like sex is taboo but the second you get married, you’re supposed to be a porn star for your husband.”

The women talk about the importance of getting pleasure out of sex themselves, and later, Whitney laments not getting any advice about sex before marriage.

“I feel like we were so involved in the church growing up. Even in young women’s activities, when we would talk about the law of chastity or sex it would always be like, ‘No, no, no,'” she explains. “I didn’t even have the sex talk before I got married to Conner and I was a virgin. I had to figure it out on my own,” she tells her mom, who doesn’t seem to regret her approach.

“My wedding night should have [come] from a horror movie. That was a horrible, horrible night,” Whitney shares in a confessional. “It was a conversation that was never had, so we both went into this blindly.”

Endowed members are encouraged to wear ‘temple garments’ under their clothes

Members of the church who receive endowment wear a “temple garment” under their clothing.

“The garment is worn underneath members’ normal clothing for the rest of their lives, serving as a daily physical reminder of their covenant relationship with God,” thechurchexplains.

Jen talks about wearing her garments and forgetting them on the cast trip to Las Vegas. Though her love of fashion means she’s not always wearing the traditional garment, she does keep to it when she can as a reminder of her commitment to her faith.

Infidelity comes up a number of times within the marriage. Like Christianity, the church promotes a faithful covenant between man and wife.

“In the teachings of the Church, next to the crime of murder comes that of adultery, and sexual unchastity,” their teachings explain.

Whitney deals with this as she grapples with telling the other women about her husband Conner’s struggles with porn addiction and emotional cheating. She explains that they’ve lied about his because it breaks a covenant with God.

“I’m a little nervous about what they’re going to think. I don’t know if they’re going to hate you or hate me for making the choice to stay with you. It’s a pretty deep wound,” she says.

Pregnancy outside of marriage is discouraged

“When you experienceunwed pregnancy, you will have to choose one of four options: marriage, adoption, single parenting, or abortion,” the church states, noting abortion is only accepted under limited circumstances.

source: people.com