Maid of Honor Says She Can't 'Stomach' the Idea of Giving a Wedding Speech Because She Despises the Groom

Mar. 15, 2025

A maid of honor gives a speech (stock image).Photo:Getty

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A maid of honor is considering declining to give a speech at her best friend’s upcoming wedding because she can’t stand the groom.

“My best friend of 28 years (we met when we were 3 years old) is engaged to a man I truly despise,” she wrote. “I normally can find at least a couple things I like in my friends' partners, even if I don’t like their relationship, but this guy makes it extremely tough. I should also add that Lucy is truly the best person I know.”

The maid of honor kept her opinions to herself at first. “I knew I couldn’t say anything out of the gate because everyone would assume I was just being a hater and overprotective,” she explained. “Plus, I didn’t have enough to go off of. So I let things play out for a while and I’ve never had a good or even neutral experience with him.”

A person taps a champagne glass before making a speech (stock image).Getty

As it turns out, the maid of honor is not alone in her dislike of the groom. “Eventually everyone in [Lucy’s] life — her mom, her dad, her sisters, girlfriends, even the guys on [the groom’s] bowling league — have come to me to express how much they hate the way he treats her,” she continued.

About a year ago, the maid of honor finally decided to have “a heart-to-heart” with Lucy about the situation. She was surprised to learn that her friend “agrees with everything.”

But “she doesn’t really know how to get out of [the relationship],” the maid of honor explained. “We’ve had several conversations since then, in which she basically agrees with all my concerns but does nothing.”

Now, Lucy is engaged, and the maid of honor is supposed to give a speech at her friend’s wedding. However, she said she can’t “even stomach the thought of it happening.”

“I can’t decide if I should politely decline the speech, or try to finagle some sort of honest speech that just focuses on her,” the maid of honor wrote. “I refuse to spout how awesome their relationship is or honestly anything about [the groom] that isn’t true.”

Women getting ready for a wedding together (stock image).Getty

She concluded her post with “Help please!!!” and invited feedback from the Reddit community.

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Many commenters urged the maid of honor to go ahead with her speech for the sake of Lucy and keep her words focused on her friendship with the bride.

“I think if your bestie is set on marrying this guy (it’s not too late to back out), I would be there for her and support her as best you can without lying,” one person wrote.

Another person agreed, writing: “Yeah, this is the answer — support her, talk about how much you love her and how many great times you’ve had. Don’t lie. You can wish her a lifetime of happiness without really mentioning [the groom] at all. You can’t make [Lucy’s] choices for her. But clearly she knows that he’s a problem…all you can do is support her if and when she decides that enough is enough.”

A maid of honor helps zip up the bride’s dress (stock image).Getty

A small group of commenters took a different stance, however, arguing that the maid of honor should “bow out” of role in the wedding because of her dislike for the groom.

“Tell her you unfortunately cannot support their marriage and you would rather just attend as a guest. You cannot do MOH duties when you aren’t happy or supportive of their relationship,” one Redditor wrote.

“I don’t think you should be in the wedding if you can’t support their marriage,” another person added.

Someone else suggested that the maid of honor use her wedding speech as an “opportunity to express that you will always be there for [Lucy]” — especially should she face issues in her marriage to the groom.

“At the end of the day, you choose to support your best friend through all of life. Support doesn’t necessarily mean agree, but you’re there for her. I don’t think it’s selfish to make your speech about your friendship — SHE chose you, he did not,” they wrote.

source: people.com