Man Says He Knows It’s ‘Nice’ His Girlfriend Went All Out for His Birthday, But He Hated the Party

Mar. 15, 2025

Close-up of multi colored cake slice on table during birthday party.Photo:Getty

Getty

A man says his girlfriend threw him a surprise birthday party and he hated every minute of it.

In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?,” a man said his 30th birthday ended up causing extreme tension with his girlfriend of 2 years.

“I have always maintained I hate surprises and that I want to know things in advance. I have mild social anxiety and hate having things kept from me,” he wrote. However, he added that his girlfriend, 28, “loves surprises” and couldn’t imagine he wouldn’t “enjoy a ‘nice’ surprise.”

So she “decided to enlist the help of my 2 close friend and housemates to throw me a surprise birthday party at our house,” he wrote, adding that about 25 people were invited.

“She went all out,” he added, noting that the celebration included go-karting, a nice dinner and plenty of decorations.

However, the man said that his “anxiety was building steadily from the first activity to the last.”

“Everyone knew the plan, the next location, except for me,” he added. “I hated every bit.”

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“I had an internal conflict because I know these are all objectively ‘nice’ things but I couldn’t help that I was hating every second while having to pretend to all my friends I’m having the best time," the Redditor added. “I didn’t want to be a killjoy and appear ungrateful.”

Finally, he said that things “came to a head” once he realized the party was headed back to their place.

“It sounds silly, but my room was untidy and the anxiety spike from knowing people will see it sent me over the edge,” he wrote.

The man admitted that he “said some unkind things to her,” but insisted he “told her this in private” so he wouldn’t “cause a scene.”

When the bash was over, the man said he “tried to smooth things over," but his girlfriend was still “understandably upset.” She went on to tell him that he was “ungrateful, rude and diminished her efforts” to plan a special celebration for him.

When he turned to the internet for their thoughts on if he was wrong, the majority took his side.

“You’ve told her you hate surprises, and she chose not to believe you - and to then put you in a situation she knew would make you uncomfortable,” another added.

Meanwhile, others pointed out that the man’s friends probably should have stepped in at some point. “Did your friends not try to talk her out of this, knowing you hate surprises?” read one reply.

A third commenter chimed in, agreeing that while his girlfriend tried to do a nice thing, it wasn’t the right way to go about it.

“You’ve been clear all along about not wanting surprises, and she very intentionally did what SHE would enjoy," the commenter wrote. “I appreciate her attempt to make you happy (And you should appreciate that too, and it sounds like you do), but it doesn’t negate the fact that you’re an adult and you told her that you would hate it, and she went ahead and did it anyway.”

“She was the one in the wrong here, not you,” they added. “You’re not ungrateful.”

source: people.com