Photo: Phillip Faraone/FilmMagic
About 40 years after saying “I do,” the couplereleased their first joint project, a book calledWhat Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets to a Happy Life.They also hosted a podcast together calledDouble Date with Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue, where they spoke to couples about their keys to lasting marital bliss.
“If there’s any common theme to the [interviews] we had, it’s that you have towantto have a long marriage,” Donahue toldAARP the Magazinein 2020.
When the couple celebrated 43 years of marriage in 2023, Thomas told PEOPLE about the “three L’s” they’ve followed throughout their romance: “Love, listening and lust.”
“Those are the three L’s,” she explained.“You have to listen and then you’ll know what the other person is really thinking and going through. You have to love each other. And without lust, you don’t have anything.”
In July 2024, Thomas told PEOPLE that she and Donahue were looking forward to a “slower pace” of life after their schedules had been particularly hectic.
Here’s everything to know about Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue’s long-lasting marriage.
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas circa 1979 in New York City.Sonia Moskowitz/IMAGES/Getty
The couple first met in the late 1970s when Thomas appeared as a guest on Donahue’s eponymous talk show. It was clear from the start that they had chemistry.
Ina 2021 interviewonThe Drew Barrymore Show, Thomas shared, “We just clicked … I just loved his confidence.”
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas pose for a photograph at Gloria Steinem’s 50th birthday celebration May 23, 1984 in New York City.Yvonne Hemsey/Getty
Though they had an immediate connection, they lived across the country from each other. During their courtship, Thomas was based in Los Angeles while Donahue lived in Winnetka, Ill. As they moved toward marriage, they had to decide where to live together.
“Phil told me, ‘I can’t live in L.A. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life interviewing John Wayne. I can live in New York or Washington,’ " Thomas toldThe New York Timesin 2023. “And I told him, ‘Well, I can live in New York or L.A.’ So New York it was.”
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas at an after party for “Gloria: A Life” on October 18, 2018 at the Gramercy Park Hotel in New York City.Walter McBride/Getty
Speaking with PEOPLE in 1977, Thomas shared that while she was happy in her new relationship with Donahue, she was getting over some oldreservations she held about marriage.
“I was always scared of marriage,” she said. “I thought that I would have to become another person, that I wouldn’t be able to be me, that I would sort of be living a lie. My impression was that you had this jailer that you have to please.”
She later found this idea “foolish,” seeing that it was possible to have both a career and a marriage. Thomas told PEOPLE she might be open to marriage with Donahue if it could be a union of “two whole people, not one and a half.”
Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue circa 1980 in New York City.Images Press/IMAGES/Getty
The couple wed on May 21, 1980. It was Thomas' first marriage and Donahue’s second.
Thomas opted for a simple off-the-shoulder tea-length white gown and white satin heels. Donahue wore a black suit and striped tie.
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas with their children.Marlo Thomas Instagram
Donahue was first married to his college sweetheart, Margaret Cooney, for 17 years and had five children with her, per theWashington Post. When Thomas and Donahue married, the actress became a stepparent overnight.
In 2011, Thomas toldAARP the Magazineshe took a relaxed approach to being a stepmom.
“From the very first day, I decided that I was not going to try to be a ‘mother’ to Phil’s children in the traditional sense — they already had a mom — but, instead, to be their friend,” she said. “I’m proud to say that the friendships I established with them are as strong today as they were 30 years ago — even stronger.”
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas at The National Arts Club on October 5, 2019 in New York City.Sean Zanni/Getty
For Donahue’s 50th birthday in 1986, Thomas threw a surprise party on a yacht on the Hudson River. PEOPLE reported that Thomas sang a funny song for her husband, which included the lyrics, “He’s just my Phil, with 20 pounds of hair” and “An Irish hunk, so full of spunk.”
The couple and their 150 guests enjoyed salmon, veal and tortellini and danced to the Denny La Rue Band. Thomas told PEOPLE, “He’s a pretty good sport about turning 50.”
Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue at the Emmys, September 8, 1996 in Pasadena, California.Bob Riha, Jr./Getty
In the last few years of his life, Thomas and Donahue spent much of their time speaking to famous couples about their marriages during the writing and promotion of their book,What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets to a Happy Life.They also did some thinking about their own relationship.
In 2020, Thomas said in a YouTube video forAARP, “Through the years, you learn that everything is not that big a deal, and this isn’t going to break us up no matter what, so you get used to saying, ‘Ok, let’s just talk it out.’ "
“The secret of good communication? Screaming helps,” Donahue joked. “At least then you know if whether the person you’re screaming at is listening. Then go in the other room and count to 10.”
He also shared, “A little humor certainly in a marriage goes a long way.”
Donahue “passed away peacefully following a long illness” on Aug. 18, 2024.
“I lost my sweetheartlast night,” Thomas wrote on Instagram shortly after her husband’s death. “I know you understand that I’ll be stepping away from this page for a while to take care of myself and the many people who took care of Phil and held him close to their hearts.”
source: people.com